- When a guest is checking in, pretend you didn’t see them. Continue to talk on your phone, clip your nails or do whatever you are doing until you are ready.
- Don’t pick up that ringing phone until it has rung at least 15 times, they will eventually give up and go away.
- Don’t smile when dealing with those pesky guests. They will avoid you next time.
- When you’re serving in the restaurant or bar, ensure you are chewing a bubble gum and blow bubbles while you’re at it. That should ruin their appetites!
- When guests are relaxing, barge into their conversation! Bore them to death with your mindless chatter.
- If you are asked for information, roll your eyeballs north, flare your nostrils, shrug your shoulders and walk away.
- Avoid answering any guest email enquiries within a week!
Congratulations! Now that you have successfully pissed off the guests, enjoy the peace and quiet. No guests, means the business will fail miserably. Your employer will gladly relieve you of your duties. Blame them for being lousy operators. Insist that they write you a glowing reference so you can find a new job and contribute to its demise!
This column has been published in the Apia Financial Review and is reproduced herewith for your reading pleasure. It is a different take and perspective rather than the straight forward advice column...so a bit of tongue in cheek approach!!!